When the going gets tough! Doing well on the end of Day 4 single moming it and THEN............... Cough. Cough. Puke. Puke as we are all snuggled in bed. Well ON with the lights up with the tired kids and change sheets and all the other stuffs. While all this is going on I start to find myself feeling feelings that I haven't really I think allowed myself to feel. Feeling pissed off, abandoned, Angry, Sad and Raw! Grrrrr.... I hate that I had all these ideas and expectations of how things looked and how they were going to look, because today once again I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet! This was NOT supposed to happen! This is not part of my agreement or contract that I signed up for (or so I thought). Everything was supposed to be done together, as a team.
Supposed:assumed as true, regardless of fact; hypothetical.
In that I am using that word a lot in this post I decided to look up the true meaning and I have to say it's true! I for sure assumed things as true regardless of facts. And you know what they say about assuming? It makes an ass out of you and me.
I am tired of assuming things! When will I learn? Well I am learning! Be impeccable with your word and mean what you say and say what you mean!
I love your Blog so far, thanks for sharing all your raw emotion and brilliant thoughts. My comment on this one is that sometimes even "facts" are misleading or end up not being true, change happens, shift happens & then things are different. What comes to mind for me is my past relationship where a man promised, and exhibited, a deep connection with my son - and spoke often of their soul connection, out of body experiences, etc.. often promising that regardless of our soul contract as mates, he would always be there as a male (father) figure for my child. Everything I saw displayed this truth. .... and then one day it just wasn't. Things shifted. I spent a lot of time being mad - especially that such an innocent child could be promised to and then cheated and hurt and dumped. .. but I finally remembered that my son's soul is creating his reality just as I am creating my reality.. and for some reason I don't understand yet, this is the way things came to pass. I've been thinking about pain/loss a lot lately, I've been recognizing in my life how many of my thoughts are of self-preservation (not getting hurt), and I've been working to see things a different way and change my thought process. Yesterday, in a meditation, I realized how my life is "farmed"..haha.. plow, plant, harvest, plow, plant harvest... over and over.. and you know what? Every time after I plow, I get a better harvest. That being the case, logically, I don't have to fear it or try to keep it away - but remind myself that I have the tools to go through the plow stage effectively, and then move on to the planting stage. Right now, your any a major plow stage - totally redesigning your farm - and it's awesome, it's brilliant - and it's going to yield you amazing results... and all the anger, and sadness, and stomping your feet & saying 'it's not fair!' is part of the plowing - just as all the forgiveness, responsibility for creation and unveiling of big T truth is. Both are necessary. You are one of the most amazing ladies I know, and I am so honored to witness your plowing.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny, how as you walk your path, you see a path up ahead in one direction and you think that's where you're heading, and then you come around a corner and over a hill and it turns out that's not the way you're going at all.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is we don't know where we're going. We never do, although we like to pretend otherwise. All we can do is walk our path.
Perhaps I should have signed that! haha. Jillian Naccache.
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